S5 Ep10: Why is Leaving Comfort Zones so Challenging?
The reality of what a comfort zone is
Comfort zone is an inaccurate term. That’s because, though it implies comfort, mostly the zone is one of familiarity. You know it, what’s within it, how it works, and all that you can expect from this zone.
It’s comfortable only because it’s familiar. When faced with the uncertain and the unfamiliar, having a comfort zone can and will make you feel stabler and better overall.
The problem is that from within your comfort zone, your growth is massively limited. That’s because to grow, evolve, and command change, you must be willing to move into the uncomfortable.
This is the ultimate open cell you can’t leave. Or more realistically, are afraid to leave because outside of it is the unknown.
Trauma is a thing
The truth is that I’ve spent most of my adult life in combat mode. I’ve fought depression. There have been many struggles finding and keeping jobs (and getting paid anywhere near what I’m worth). During most of my 20s and 30s, I moved through a lot of relationships and attempted to put my polyamorous, square-peg self into a monogamous round-hole box. I’ve struggled with my weight, self-worth, and working on balancing my emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health, wellness, and wellbeing.
In the past 15 years or so, things have shifted. A lot. My life is stable, and I haven’t the foggiest idea what to do with that. It’s like I subconsciously need the challenges, the drama, the issues, and the troubles. Because without them I’m feeling oddly stuck.
Applied mindfulness
Practice active conscious awareness. Mindfulness is being actively aware, here and now, of your thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions, and choice of a positive or negative approach. That present awareness opens the way for you to see not how it should be, or how “they” desire it to be, but how it is.
This, however, can be really disconcerting. Particularly if you have been practicing mindfulness with a modicum of success. For example, via that practice, you’ve also made active choices and decisions for how to live your life, your way.
How to leave a comfort zone
One foot in front of the other. To quote Lao Tzu,
“The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one's feet.”
The first step is to recognize that I’m in an undesirable comfort zone. The second step is to recognize that it is, in fact, mine to leave. Then, the third step is to acknowledge this. Skipping acknowledgment is the equivalent of recognizing that the first step out the door is a 2-foot drop, but not taking that into account when you take the step.
After recognition and acknowledgment, the fourth step is to leave the comfort zone. There is, however, an important bit to keep in mind here. Why?
What is my why behind leaving the comfort zone? To leave a familiar but not comfortable place is a good answer, but still doesn’t explore the next part. Where am I striving to get myself to? That’s the tough part. It requires that I strike a balance between where I am, here and now, and where I desire to be. To get from here to there, steps must be taken.
This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:
If you’re feeling in any way stuck, examine if there’s a why you can put a finger on.
If so, consider where you desire to be, then take the following 4 steps:
1. Recognize that you’re in an undesirable comfort zone.
2. Recognize that it is, in fact, yours to leave.
3. Acknowledge this. This cannot be skipped.
4. Leave the comfort zone.
Repeat whenever you seek to make changes for yourself and your life.
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