How Do Alone and Lonely Differ?
Alone and not alone coexist differently from feeling lonely
Lots of people rue loneliness. Being alone sucks, they get frustrated when they haven’t got companionship, and this can be deeply upsetting and distracting on multiple levels.
But then, lots of people crave being alone. Being alone is comforting, they get frustrated when they don’t get alone time, and too little alone time can be deeply upsetting and distracting on multiple levels.
There is also a Goldilocks zone, if you will, between alone and not alone. Some people love having people around them but also cherish alone time. That’s how I work, for example.
Alone, in its purest form, is a feeling. An intangible.
You are never truly alone
Whether you believe in a soul or not, all energy across the Universe, from the smallest subatomic particle to the largest star, is connected. It takes different forms and serves different purposes.
Hence, when you get right down to it, you are never truly alone. Because you, me, and everyone everywhere are interconnected.
Don’t mistake alone for lonely
Lots of people, lamenting being alone, mistake alone for lonely.
Lonely is a feeling, an emotion. And an unpleasant one. It’s rooted in your subconscious mind while stabbing at your conscious mind.
To me, lonely is a negative sensation comprised of sadness, fear, suffering, upset, and other emotions related to disconnection.
Lonely is intangible. Alone is both tangible and intangible. But you can be alone and not alone at the same time – and feel lonely either way.
Addressing loneliness itself – and all the emotions that go into it – can remove it. And that begins with mindful, active conscious awareness of it.
When alone devolves into feeling lonely – and that roots itself into your subconscious – you might start to believe you’re unworthy, unlovable, and deserve to be alone. That can do ugly, harmful, unpleasant things to your health, wellness, and wellbeing.
Mindfulness for recognition
To help see how you are not alone – even when you feel alone – you can practice active mindfulness.
Mindfulness is active conscious awareness.
Active conscious awareness involves asking questions that can only be answered here and now to become consciously aware. These questions include,
· What am I thinking?
· What am I feeling?
· How am I feeling?
· What are my intentions?
· What am I doing (or not)?
Each above question, by itself, makes you aware of your conscious mind, here and now. Once you become consciously aware, you gain insight and recognition of your mindset/headspace/psyche self. And you can better differentiate between alone and lonely.
Can you see how alone and not alone coexist because that’s the nature of the Universe, and they are not necessarily connected to feeling lonely?
This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:
Today I’m sharing 5 steps you can take to help identify and differentiate between alone, not alone, and lonely.
Write down the following.
1. Write down 5 situations where you desire and prefer to be alone
2. Write down 5 times when you felt lonely – specifically, when the emotion/sensation of sadness, fear, suffering, upset, and the like attached to loneliness and felt as if they’d overwhelm you.
3. Write down 5 situations where you desire and prefer not to be alone.
4. Write down how being alone and being not alone – such as the answers to questions 1 and 3 – make feel. Write the specific emotions/sensations that produces.
5. Here and now, be mindful of this, and take a minute or two to absorb the emotions/sensations above.
You will almost definitely have more than 5 answers for each – but chunking it down to this number can and will make it easier to work with and learn from.
Do you feel empowered when you see the choice inherent in being alone or not alone?
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Original cover art artist Fe Mahoney: https://www.etsy.com/shop/TaliasInspirations