How Much Can You Truly Control in Life?
Can you accept what control you DO have?
The only thing over which you and I have control is ourselves.
Even then, there are limits to what you can and do control.
All of them are internal. Sure, there are externals that you can direct – but control is not the case. You can change your body shape, eye color, hair length and color, what you wear, and maybe a couple of other elements of yourself.
Internally, you control yourself. But that’s not always obvious, and it requires conscious awareness to be controlled. Because when you aren’t consciously aware – and in the now - your habits, beliefs, values, and subconscious/egoic self are in control.
Less is more
Most of us get focused on things happening in the world around us. It’s easy to get distracted by these outside pictures.
But then you dial it in closer to home, but still with a focus on things you can’t control. It’s easy to get distracted by these outside pictures, too.
Taking control of what you can control is empowering
What if – rather than focus on the things outside of yourself that are likewise outside of your control – you turn it inwards? What if you focus on what you can and do control instead?
How does this work? It starts with conscious awareness. This is mindfulness and only works in the present, here and now.
To do this you begin by asking questions like,
· What am I thinking?
· What am I feeling?
· How am I feeling?
· What am I doing?
· What do I intend?
These are questions that can only be genuinely answered here and now.
Once you have those answers, you gain control of your mindset/headspace/psyche self. This means you gain control of your present life experiences.
When you stop trying to control things outside of yourself – it’s deeply freeing. You stop worrying needlessly about people, places, and things you have no control over. That tax on your time and energy ceases to be.
Who should drive your life? You from years ago, someone else, or you as you are here and now? The control to do the driving is yours for the taking – and ultimately, it’s empowering when you accept what control you do have and take it.
A note about ego
Your ego is a construct created like a bridge between your subconscious and conscious mind. Your ego is both how you project yourself outwards to the world and reflect inwards when you don’t consciously assume control with mindfulness. Thus, your ego will often have been created to show elements of who you were rather than who you are.
What’s more, your ego is protecting you from harm – but often in a way that’s causing harm. That’s because the ego tends to be resistant to change.
Mindfulness and conscious awareness – via taking control of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions - removes the ego from behind the wheel and lets you take control.
This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:
Let’s begin with a singular focus.
Let’s take control of your thoughts.
1. Be still and breathe deep for 2-5 minutes
2. Ask aloud and write down, What am I thinking? Consider what thoughts come up, in that present moment. Write your answer down.
3. Are you thinking about something you desire to be thinking about? Are the thoughts in your head, here and now, helping you or hurting you?
4. If helping – great. If hurting – what can you do to change them? Write it out.
5. Take action and change undesirable thoughts.
You can do this multiple times a day without writing this out. I recommend doing it completely once a day including writing.
This same exercise can be used to similarly explore and change your feelings and intentions.
Blogs: titaniumdon.com and mjblehart.medium.com
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