S4 Ep13: Why What You Do Next Matters More than Your Initial Reaction
Undesirable, annoying, upsetting, and disappointing things happen to everyone
I recently had to deal with such a situation with the publishing of my latest book. My initial, visceral reaction to what went wrong was anger, and a desire to curse, scream, lash out, and rail against the Universe. But that was only the immediate, visceral reaction I had. What good would any of that do me?
Pause, reflect, redirect
I stopped and took a deep breath. Okay, this is upsetting, annoying, disappointing, and frustrating. All true and all, I think, justifiable. But now I have a choice in front of me.
React in a useless but potentially releasing way. Shout, curse out my luck, blame myself for failing, get angry, and generally let this negatively impact me, my day, my weekend, or however long I choose.
- Or –
I can acknowledge that this sucks and ask, “What the what?” Then take whatever action is available to me to resolve this problem.
Admittedly there’s a third option, too. Do nothing, walk away, ignore it for now. While there are certainly times, happenings, and circumstances where that might serve – this is a form of inaction. I believed that action of some sort was my best course to choose.
Getting angry and reacting by screaming about it and cursing everything and everyone out gets me nowhere. Knowing that, I made all my choices for how I’d respond with a positive approach.
What you do next is always a choice
Your visceral initial reaction to things that happen is automated. Some things that happen will make you squee with excitement and joy. Other things that happen will make you scream, curse, and throw a temper tantrum. Then there are the reactions that fall between these extremes but are no less automated.
Immediately or near-immediately after your visceral reaction, you have a choice. Respond with continued anger or continued joy?
What if you make the wrong choice for what you do next?
This has paralyzed lots of people along the way. What if I choose wrong? What if how I respond does me no good?
Frankly, unless this is a life-or-death choice, it’s always changeable. If you choose wrong, and you’re still here, you can choose again.
How you respond in-depth is always a choice that can potentially disempower or empower you. Wouldn’t you prefer to feel empowered over feeling disempowered by how you respond?
This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:
This might not be immediately applicable.
When something unexpected happens, unless you’re incapacitated, please write it down, as well as how it made you think and feel in the moment when it happened. Be as detailed as you can.
Now that some time has passed since the initial reaction, what do you desire to do next? Look at what happened, how you reacted to it, and where you are now.
Write down at least 5 positive steps you can take next, as well as 5 negative steps you can take next. Please note, this can only be things that YOU can do. Also, they can impact only your life experience, because you can’t change anyone else’s.
When you’re done, read what you’ve got. Which of the options do you desire to pursue?
This is all about what’s next after an initial, visceral reaction to something happening to you. The main purpose is to affirm that any and all choice related to it belongs to you, and you alone.
Blogs: titaniumdon.com and mjblehart.medium.com
Original cover art artist Fe Mahoney: https://www.etsy.com/shop/TaliasInspirations