Self-Sabotage and Second-Guessing – The Elephants in the Room

self-awarenessmindfulnesslife lessonsself-sabotagesecond-guessing
Written By Raine Creative

Self-sabotaging and second-guessing are infuriating

Despite the effort I have been making for over a decade to live life on my own terms, choosing my own paths – there is an ongoing challenge I can never seem to shake.

I recently finished reading Gary John Bishop’s Stop Doing that Sh*t: End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back, and now I have a much clearer view of the how and why of my self-sabotaging behaviors.

Where do the self-sabotage and second-guessing come from?

Mr. Bishop asserts that there are three conclusions we draw that becomes the root of self-sabotage that embed themselves into our subconscious. There, they are rooted – and jam up the works when said conclusions are challenged.

Conclusion one – the self

My conclusion - I am unworthy. Do I keep sabotaging myself because what I have concluded about myself is that I’m not worth it?

Conclusion two – other people

My conclusion - people are capricious or people are inconsistent.

Conclusion three - life

My conclusion - Life is an unfair uphill battle.

We are nor our thoughts or feelings

Second-guessing and self-sabotaging originate as thoughts. And the combination of thought and feeling gives them agency in our heads.

All this plays into our subconsciousness. While we could do a deep dive and try to root it out – that’s not all that productive.

Instead, we need to be here, now. Mindful. Consciously self-aware of our current, conscious thoughts, feelings, and intentions.

This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool:

Borrowing from Mr. Bishop, this week’s tool is a simple process to identify the sources of your self-sabotage and second-guessing behaviors.

Identify the Saboteurs

You only need two minutes or so for each of these. I recommend doing them all no more than a day apart.

Step 1: Take 2 or 3 deep breaths in and out to focus

Step 2: Close your eyes.

Step 3: Think back on a situation where you know that you sabotaged yourself.

Step 4: Ask yourself, what conclusion did I make about myself that contributed to this?

Step 5: Write it down

At another time (preferably the next day), repeat steps 1-3, replace step 4 with this: Ask yourself, what conclusion did I make about other people that contributed to this?

Then, at yet another time (preferably the next day), repeat steps 1-3, replace step 4 with this: Ask yourself, what conclusion did I make about life that contributed to this?

Know this – they can’t be fixed or undone – but knowing them helps us to avoid them..

Raine Creative
Previous

Gratitude - Without Guilt
Next

Self-Awareness Isn’t Selfish